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JokesIf you took 3 apples from a basket that held 12 apples, how many apples would you have? (3 !!!) *************************************** Why do cows have bells? ( Because their horns don't work!) ************************************* Why do bees hum? (Because they don't know the words!) ********************************************* What animal can jump higher than a house? (A house can't jump!) *************************************************** Why can't a man living in Paris be buried in the South of France? (Because he's still living!) ********************************************** A man was injected with a deadly poison, but it did not kill him. Why? (He was already dead!) ************************************ An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard: "woman without her man is nothing". The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly. The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing." The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing." ************************************************************** Why are Saturday and Sunday strong days? (Because they are not weekdays!) ********************************************* Why do we have two eyes, two ears and only one mouth? (So that we can see and hear twice as much as we say.) ******************************************************** Man: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God: "So you would love her." Man: "But God, why did you make her so dumb?" God: "So she would love you." ********************************************************* Which month has 28 days? ( All of them!) *************************************************************** How many letters are there in the English alphabet? ( 18 letters! 3 in "the", 7 in "English", and 8 in "alphabet". Note) ******************************************* A man asked for a meal in a restaurant. The waiter brought the food and put it on the table. After a moment, the man called the waiter and said: "Waiter! Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!" "Please don't speak so loudly, sir," said the waiter, "or everyone will want one." ************************************************* There are 5 birds in a tree. A hunter shoots 2 of them dead. How many birds are left? (2 birds. The other 3 fly away!) ************************************************* If a man was born in Italy, went to America and died in San Francisco, what would he be? (Dead!) ************************************************* Why is the letter "T" like an island? (Because it is in the middle of waTer!) What is the longest word in the English language? "Smiles". Because there is a mile between its first and last letters! ************************************************* What starts with "P", ends with "E", and has millions of letters? (The "Post Office"!) ************************************************* What word begins with "e", ends with "e", and has one letter? ( Envelope!) ************************************************* What's worse than finding a maggot in an apple? (Finding half a maggot!) ************************************************* Why do witches have brooms? (Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy!) |